How does this sound to you guys?

First off, contempt should be content, easy mistake; the words sound very similar. Next, this is really good, and I think you should continue it, but, like nearly every other story written, it's gonna need some polishing off. Okay, anyways, this is really good, but towards the end of the first paragraph of chapter one, the grammar gets a little iffy. It's not a grammatical mistake, per se, but it could be written so that it could flow better. Good job, and keep up the good work!